Another Pitch for the Oscars

The Oscars Nielson’s were down almost 20% from last year. Whenever dismal Oscar numbers come out, everyone has a different take, most of which I allow. Some say they overlook their favorite performance. Fine.  They took a step back in representation. Probably, yeah. But when they say that the Oscars are too long, they are wrong.

The Oscars are long, but so is the Superbowl, or political televised debates, or late-season Game of Thrones episodes. People think that it is a huge imposition to watch Jordan Peele make history or see Gal Gadot fire off a hotdog cannon, to revel in actors, screenwriters, and artists at the top of their field and to commemorate the year in cinema.

Most of this is the attitude of the host and the attitude of the telecast. They are constantly undercutting themselves. Jimmy Kimmel this year came out and bribed speech-givers to give short speeches, as if it is the worst thing for an Oscars telecast to go past midnight, as if his show does not go past midnight. The host should come out and open with a promise that the Oscars will go six hours, and then spend the year that you have filling that six hours. Have BAFTA talks, comedy bits, speeches, and songs throughout. Chris Rock spent six weeks on his #Oscarssowhite monologue. Kimmel sounded like he spend a couple weeks.

The reason you have dismal year-over-year is that you are constantly undercutting yourself. Every year, the Oscars feel more and more perfunctory, instead of The Event, the end-all-be-all of showbiznesssss. You should let the ceremony breath, instead of rushing through it. This would give more moments like 1991’s Madonna Sooner or Later or 1943 Greer Garson acceptance speech.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_FMqh0z6D8

Instead of rushing a singer onstage for a two minute flat medley, you let them take on the stage, expand as a performer, create a moment. Instead of having a stopwatch for artists, let them breath, take a moment, and collect themselves. Let them give speeches that matter to them, to those in attendance, and to those watching, rather than a hasty list of thank you’s. As Sally Fields says about her 1979 win for Norma Rae, “They had a huge, red, glaring light that started flashing in your face so I panicked and I remembered the part of me that said, ‘You didn’t say anything that mattered, you didn’t say anything genuine.’ ” You spend two or three years working on a single project, commemorate their achievements within that project for all of time, and expect them to give a thirty second, well-rehearsed, concise, and benign little twittle before trotting off stage right. Give time for Jack Parlance to do push-ups on stage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGxL5AFzzMY

In the video, he takes his time to collect himself, before going into a long, rambling, performance unto itself on stage. We should keep the Oscars long, and keep them good. But to do that, we have to put in the work.